Squash v Badminton Match (er.. mismatch) (by Keith Frith)

After a few months of the Squash Centre being closed due to Covid restrictions we were keen to organise some social events to put a smile back on our faces. A plan was hatched for a merry crew of squashies to take on the Badminton Society at their own game.

Having seen a few old boys patting a shuttlecock over the net on your average weekend we felt the odds were in our favour for an ‘away’ win.

Keen as mustard, the squashies arrived at the Sports Hall early having dusted off their 1980’s Pro Kennex specials and started what was generally viewed as a pretty impressive warm up. A few whispers of “he’s better at badminton than squash” could be heard muttered between lunges and smashes.

Eventually the Badminton crew arrived with a sprinkling of ‘youths’ and ‘masters’. Lambs to the slaughter surely…

To get us off to flyer we sent our gun player and ex-badminton champ Hugh Dyus into the fray, who was up against a young lad who even to the untrained eye looked ‘a bit handy’. 10 minutes later, and tail between his legs, Hugh returned with the comment “mmm.. I’m maybe a little slower than I used to be”.

The next 2 hours can only be described as a massacre. One by one our merry band of brothers were dispatched with increasing ease. Scores of 21-3 were fairly common (especially when Keith was playing...) The oppo resorted to giving us lessons on where to stand, how to serve, …well, you get the picture.

An utter trouncing ensued, save for a single bright spot when Dave Cross and Ken Lo managed to find the Badminton team’s weakest links and somehow got us a much needed ‘W’ on the scoresheet. Congrats lads!

The post-match de-brief, over some food and beverage, centred around the word ‘revenge’ and “wait till we get ‘em on a Squash Court”. And then someone pointed out that maybe we should avoid giving them volleys…